Burned By Church
12/04/09 By Brad
I have had way too many conversations with young adults who have been burned by church, and consequently have quit church all together. Truthfully, one of those conversations would be to many. How does this happen and what can we do to prevent it?
Truthfully, many people who are much smarter could write books and answer this much better. In fact, many have! But I want to tackle just one angle of this. Certainly, there are those who leave church because they were never Christians to begin with. Others have a different story.
I talked just recently with a young mother who told me that she believes in God, but she doesn't believe in the church. She hasn't been back to church in some time. The reason? She got pregnant before marriage, and her church condemned her.
Now, before we go on, it is important to say that there are always consequences to sin. Always. And sin does not just affect us, it affects those around us. Don't believe me? Just ask Achan. Oh wait, you can't because he and his entire family were put to death for disobeying God's command to not take anything from Jericho. Achan stole from the city, but the whole family saw the consequences. (Read Joshua 6-7 for the story)
I am not saying that there shouldn't be consequences, but what I am referring to is the church judging her. We many times put a scarlet letter on someone and ostracize them.
A young man who never felt like he fit in, and the leaders did not make enough of an effort to help him to connect, wants nothing to do with the church. "Just a bunch of selfish hypocrites."
A young college aged woman turned to unsaved boyfriends and moved far away from her family because the church did not accept or befriend any of her boyfriends. Now, she has no church involvement.
These and many more have been burned by the church. We could come up with a million excuses as to why we (church leaders) are not at fault. John 8 tells one of my favorite stories of Jesus' love and forgiveness. Jesus was hanging out in the temple, and a woman who had been caught in adultery was brought to Him. In the Law of Moses, it was commanded that such a woman was to be stoned until dead. The religious leaders wanted Jesus to judge and condemn her. I love what Jesus did. He just knelt down and drew on the ground. So they continued to pester Him until He stood up and said, "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first." Then he knelt down and continued drawing on the ground. Every one of her accusers left because of the guilt of their conscience. Finally, Jesus looked up and said, "Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?" The woman answered Jesus, "No one, Lord." I can just imagine the love and forgiveness in His face and eyes as He looked at her and said, "Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more."
In reality, this is what Jesus says to all those who believe in Him. I can very easily substitute myself in that woman's place. And, if you are honest, you could put yourself in her place also.
So why is it that thousands of people are leaving church, some for good, because they run into judgmental, hypocritical people in church? The answer: because we're all judgmental, hypocritical people. What does it mean to be a hypocrite? To be two-faced. To be one way at church and another at home or at work. And the fake one is usually the one who shows up at church. Casting Crowns has a song written by Mark Hall and Nichole Nordeman called "Stained Glass Masquerade" and it addresses this very subject. The lyrics:
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
Church is not supposed to be a perfect place. It's supposed to be a place for people who are hurting and broken and messed up to be able to come and get healing from the only One who can give it: Jesus Christ.
What does it mean to be judgmental? It means that we look down or even talk down on others because of their behavior. And usually we do it so that we feel better about our sins. We look at a man who is a drunk and judge him so that we don't have to feel bad about our lust problem. We look at a woman who gets pregnant out of marriage and judge her so that we don't feel bad about our pride issue.
Now don't get me wrong, sin needs to be confronted in love. Sin needs to be dealt with firmly so that it doesn't spread. Sometimes, church discipline is needed to deal with those who are unrepentant. Sometimes people need to be moved out of a certain area of ministry until they can get their life in line with God's Word. However, the ground at the foot of the cross is always level. All can go there to repent. All are equally sinners. And all can be equally forgiven by God.
If God will forgive and love me, why can I not forgive and love others?
Burned by church should not happen. Unfortunately, it does. We can prevent it if we just realize that all of us sin. All of us mess up. Proverbs 24:16 tells us that a righteous man falls seven times and gets up again. Matt Chandler, Lead Pastor of The Village Church near Dallas, TX says, "It's okay to struggle; it's not okay to lie about it."
Let's get real, church, show people we're not perfect, but that we're moving towards being like Jesus, and show them God's amazing love and forgiveness that He has shown us.
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December 6, 2009 7:43 am By April
Thank-you.